791km

Director: Tobi Baumann (Germany). Year of Release: 2023

Munich Hauptbahnhof. As we hear and see news reports of storms engulfing Germany, the boards telling you when the next train is coming quickly whirr. Soon, they are saying that all trains are cancelled. A young couple in the station are bickering. She can’t understand how he can stay so calm when she absolutely, definitely, has to be in Hamburg at 9am the next day. He tells her to chill. It doesn’t help.

As the couple queues for taxi vouchers, she tells him it’s all over between them. Nonetheless he follows her to the cab rank. He’s got as much right to use his voucher as she. They pass a group of ecologists sitting in a circle. One of whom, who is much older than the others, tells them that she too has an important meeting in Hamburg, and must get there even if it means travelling by car. They look at her, horrified, as if she’d just killed Bambi’s mum.

The three of them find the last available taxi, but someone is in there already – a young girl with her red hood pulled up over head. As they pile into the taxi, the girl says nothing. The taxi driver returns and tells them that his cab wasn’t really available, he’d left the light on by accident. They plead with him, with desperation in their eyes, saying that they must travel the 791 miles North immediately. He reluctantly relents and they start their trip.

You won’t find anyone more suitable for playing the permanently irritated driver Joseph than veteran character actor Joachim Król. Joseph is sick of ferrying around people who earn much more than he ever will. He misses the days when trade unions were stronger, but he also starts sentences with “I’m not racist, but…” Joseph just wants to get through life and has no time for the bleeding heart liberals he has to drive around, especially if they’re loud or want to sing.

One by one, we get to meet Joseph’s passengers. Tiana is from an Iranian family, but takes pain to make it clear that she is as German as any of them. She has set up a start-up, for which her meeting in Hamburg could be make-or-break. Tiana is ambition personified, and wants to prove that someone from her background can succeed, even if this is at the expense of much empathy or a sense of humour.

Philipp, Tiana’s partner (or is he any more?) is the ying to Tiana’s yan. Where she is loud, he is quiet. Where she is flustered, he is calm. Philipp’s mere presence irritates Tiana, who wants to take all the decisions, but gets annoyed when Philipp doesn’t mind what they do. Fairly early on in the journey, we learn that Tiana is pregnant but just can’t picture her partner having the sense of responsibility you need to bring up a pet let alone a child. She may well be right.

Marianne has long dark hair, with a streak of grey. She does yoga, of course she does. Marianne used to teach sociology and linguistics before her recent retirement. As a loud, female, ecologist, she is everything that Joseph is wary of, but she is also handed a tragic back story with which she gains the others’ sympathy. Marianne has the onset of dementia and has a hospital appointment in Hamburg to let her know when she will start to lose comprehension.

And then there is Susi, the girl in the red hood. After a quiet start, soon it is difficult to shut her up. Susi claims she is 24, but is barely half that. She says she is travelling to visit friends in Hamburg, but is very vague about where they live. She also has the sort of learning disability which means that she is not able to do social graces – although she does have a knack for memorising telephone numbers, which will prove useful when the plot requires exactly that.

As the journey progresses, and the car’s diverse passengers increasingly get on each other’s nerves, Susi acts as a Greek chorus, expressing the truth because she is unable to do any other. It is Susi who blurts out to Philipp that his partner is pregnant. She is the one who notices that Marianne is having difficulties remembering things, and that Joseph is sad. Everyone else is too busy worrying about their own trivial problems, but Susi is a happy breath of reality.

From what I’ve described so far, you might presume that this is an unchallenging road movie which puts a number of walking clichés in a confined space and sits back to watch the ensuing tension. This is a fairly accurate description of what happens, but the superior acting, particularly from Król and Lena Urzendowsky as Susi, never makes 871km feel too superficial. Yes, we might not be seeing ground-breaking drama, but the characters are pleasant enough to enjoy their company.

If you don’t like too much sentimentality, it might be worth leaving early, say around the point when they leave the hospital. After that we get, within a short period of time, a singalong, a group hug and a line so corny that I found myself thinking it must have been written by Richard Curtis. Ten seconds later, we hear a reply: “we’re not in Notting Hill or Love Actually.” The trouble is, although we’ve not fully strayed into Curtisland, we’re still a lot closer than any film should be.

871km is the sort of film which does not have you leaving the cinema with deep thoughts about the profundities which you’ve just seen. At the same time, it takes you along with it. As a comedy, there’s few laugh out loud jokes, but there is a general geniality which makes you enjoy the ride. I think it makes a mistake when it tries to pander to its audience by delivering a saccharine ending. Before that, though, its view of humanity is sufficiently misanthropic to keep your attention.

Not the film of the year, but worth watching while you wait for that film to come along.